Stavanger: Epilogue

I spent nearly the entirety of that last Monday in my room. I was so tense and just ready to get out of the house. I decided to stay until they took me to the train station since the wife would be at work most of the day.

I spent the day writing a letter, I really needed some resolution in this situation. I didn't want it to sound angry, but I did have a few things to say. I recounted the previous 48 hours from my perspective, and said that while I couldn't apologise for what exactly I did I could apologise for the hurt and anger I caused. I never meant to cause any bad feelings. I also mentioned the good times I'd had working for their family.

My train left at 10 o'clock, but I told them it would be fine if they dropped me off sooner. They said they'd drop me off at 8:30, which turned into 8:00 which finally turned into 7:45. Fine, whatever. I really didn't want to be there any longer than I had to be anyway, and all I was doing was sitting in my room with a knot in my stomach.

The car ride was mostly silent, the wife made some small talk with me but that was it. After some awkward goodbyes, they left me at the train station. As the train pulled out of the station, the knot in my stomach finally started to subside. It was over.

On Tuesday, I received an email from the wife. She'd found my letter and decided I deserved an explanation after all. The email was long and rambling; I was accused of things like using up all the toilet paper "on purpose," still not doing enough work, not making enough of an effort to be part of the family, and secretly hating them. She felt I was pretending every time I was around them, and she "could see in my eyes" that I didn't want to be around them.

She didn't see that in my eyes, she saw that in my emails. She also mentioned that she overheard a conversation I'd had on Sunday about how they didn't like me because of my religion and wanted to assure me that wasn't true at all. The thing was, I never once said that because I don't feel that way. What she was referring to was a series of sarcastic instant messages my brother and I had exchanged.

Faking emotions is one thing I can't do. What I can do is separate people's actions from the people themselves. There were many good things about this family, and many things I enjoyed. I didn't just want to stay an extra week for a paycheck; I wanted to hear more of their stories, have more conversations, learn more about them and their culture. I chalked most of that Sunday up to irreconcilable cultural differences. The only thing I really judged them for was the racist comment, and that I considered to be a statement of ignorance and not a statement of hate.

Ultimately, the wife didn't want an au pair at all. She didn't want anyone living in the house and was looking for any excuse she could to justify getting rid of me. I think they also might have been looking for a surrogate daughter, and not just an English teacher. After my third day there they made numerous mentions of how I'm like a daughter and how we are a family. In my opinion, three days is a little to early for that unless that's what they were looking for from the beginning.